There's a story over at something called Climate Rocks, I didn't bother to read it but basically it's about how Solar Wind Power is the cause of all global warming. Folks, it's been proven, by science, and for once I'm going to believe in science, because this just feels right to me.

Now, I never understood the so-called facts about how invisible gasses can have any effect on anything whatsoever, so naturally I refused to believe it. But now, someone on a blog said that cosmic rays are causing all the weird hotness and storminess that we've been seeing this past decade. And I'm going to tend to believe that, because the Earth has actually been cooling since 1998, so how else can anyone explain the ever-increasing globular hotness. The answer is cosmic rays.

Yup, I never understood the whole C2O scare, and now I don't have to. Why believe in a mysterious invisible, a non-existent made-up gas that is actually plant food and the most vital gas in our atmosphere even though it's only a trace gas that doesn't exist, when plain-old easy-to-understand cosmic rays that can actually be seen (watch any sci-fi movie from the 1950s for proof) explain it all, and then some!

How dumb are these other climate scientists who all this time believed in a magic make-believe, very essential gas, yet still aren't instantly swayed like I am by such a simple idea as that the warming Earth is so obviously caused entirely by some kind of lasers from space.


Now the only question is, who are these little green men who are shooting at us, and how do we fight them? Are they really green eco-terrorists, from some red planet? Will our impressive nuclear arsenal blast them to bits, or will it force them into being trade partners? What advanced oil drilling technology might they possess? And lastly, where do we aim our missiles and how soon can we push the button?

Science has proven that there are many many worlds to explore and mine for resources (I get giddy just imagining what the proven oil reserves on some of those planets must be!). But there is only one global economy.

If there's one thing we know about the environment, it's that it is nigh impervious to mankind. We can burn it, drill it, grind it up, dump toxic waste on it, pave over it, and it still refuses to die. But what about today's global economic environment? I don't think any true environmentalist could ignore that environment. It is truly fragile! Despite decades of intense focus on the economy at the expense of everything else (life, liberty, freedom, social advancement --- a lot of things have been given up for the sake of the economy, and that's how you know how truly important it really is!), the economy remains perched on the edge of Death!

There's this thing that doctors do, on TV shows such as MASH and ER, called "triaging". That's where you sort out the patients into categories like "Not dying yet" and "Beyond all hope of saving." Then you order the patients by severity and frantically focus all your attention where it is most loudly begged for: on those patients with no hope of survival. And folks, right now that is the economy. Despite all the extreme measures we've done to try to artificially resuscitate it, it remains limp and listless and on its last breaths. Any fool can see, the only way to deal with that is to put more, more, forever more blood snot and tears into it. As long as we humans still have an ounce of blood flowing through our veins, we have blood to give to the economy in a hopeless attempt at giving it a fair shot at life.

Yes, the economy has no hope of survival, and demands all of our attention at the expense of all else. Meanwhile, scientists kinda mostly I guess agree that we haven't yet reached a final tipping point in the environment that will doom us all. That means that the environment is not yet dying beyond all hope of saving. We must focus on the hopeless patients first! We have a few years or at the very least months before the environment is ruined beyond saving. Then, and only then, would it be responsible for anyone to focus any attention on it. Doing anything now would be like having doctors waste their time on someone who isn't even almost dead yet. That's something that could only make sense to hippy democrats.

But even when we reach that environmental point of no return, even then as long as there is still an economy left, it is patient #1. The economy doesn't even seem able to survive despite focusing all our attention on it, so it would be irresponsible to give it any less than 100% of our effort. That unfortunately leaves 0% effort for the environment. Sorry hippies. We can worry about the ruined Earth after the sickly heart of the economy finally gives in, and we're all forced to live in caves and our stock portfolios are in tatters. I shudder at the thought.

The youngest among us have grown up never knowing a clean, healthy economic environment. For many, truly "we have always been in a global economic crisis" (I can't even remember which crisis it is we're in at the moment, or what started it). And it looks like we always will! And that gives me hope, because if there's one thing that can spur a young generation into action it is constant, nerve-racking crisis! For many of us older folks (17 and up) who were lucky enough to know the glory of war to get our hearts pumping, the global economic crisis is just a bonus. I myself always wound up bravely fighting and keeping the economy going from a spot right here on the home front but I can tell you I envy all of those living it up on the front lines.

Anyway in summary, kids listen up: The economy is in much worse condition than the environment, and that's why it is the economy that demands every last drop of blood that you have. Don't disappoint us more than you already have (eg. going into theatre or fine arts). Forget about the Earth. Save the economy!

Howeird Is That is the new go-to source for climate news, where you won't hear anything about melting ice in the Arctic, or anything else you don't want to hear.

As far as Arctic ice goes, we've just broken through another all-time record low in our confidence in the previous former favorite for climate news and not-news. Dr. Watts has lost that title, by keeping a reminder right on the site's main page, that Arctic ice is disappearing. He's actually informing people of the dire "situation" in the so-called Arctic! Dr. Watts have you forgotten who's paying you and what you're paid to do? You're not paid to keep people informed about what's going on in the world when it's really really really not what we want to hear! And not what we want others to hear. Remember that when you're cashing your cheques.

Well now that Watts has "gone rouge," there's only one place left that I can reliably say is still reporting on exactly what news needs to be heard, in order to stay fair and balanced in this war against the greens and the environment so that we can slaughter the other side in a vicious bloodbath (It's the only way to be sure). And that place is right here.

On that note, we here at Howeird Is That have replaced our "Arctic Sea Ice Page" with our "What Arctic?!" page.

And as for all this hoo-hah balderdash flim-flam razmataz nonsense jibberty-jabber about the Arctic melting, our position is this: "I have no idea what you're talking about."

It's sad that the AGW crowd always has to fall back on tricks like complex math, such as multiplication and division etc. As always this is yet again the case in a recent post by Tamino, where he concludes:

...global warming doesn’t just make heat waves hotter. What’s much much much more important is that it makes heat waves more frequent. Cliff Mass gives the impression that there’s nothing to worry about because our “3-sigma” events — the real killers — will only be one degree hotter, quite ignoring the fact that we’ll get 10 times as many of them.

Yes, Tamino dazzles and confuses us with fancy math that no human can possibly decipher or tell if it's real or just more AGW "devil tricks" (multiplication, division, and other math things I don't even know the name of and are probably made up anyway). But he fails at the most very basic math of all. Because think about it, folks: Let's say you have an all-natural "killer" heat wave that kills say only 10% of the population (let's call them "group B"... us A's are the ones that survive). Now say you get 10 of those in a row. How many extra people are dead? Hint: It's not 90% more!

Why? Do the math! Those other 9 heat waves don't kill anybody, because everyone in group B is already dead. Killin'em over and over again ain't gonna do no harm (even if it's not pretty by the 4th or 5th time)!

Cliff Mass is right. Ain't nothin to worry about no global wermins. The only people who need to worry are those who are already probably marked down somewhere as "acceptable losses" anyway.

Folks, I'm no dummy (I took Weatherman Skills 101 at community college after nearly finishing high school), but you don't need my near-100 IQ to see the mistakes in AGW "math".

Obviously there have been a lot of really weird and completely unpredictable (other than by insane psychotic "scientists") weather events this season. All over the liberal-biased news you'll hear stories of flooding, drought, ice melt, record high temperatures, etc...

As usual, the media is simply taking one side and refusing to report on all the global-cooling related stories that are also happening equally as much as the warming stories (it would not be fair and balanced to report anything but equal occurrences). Have no fear! I will be reporting on all of the global-cooling related stories as they happen. Stay tuned to this blog as I will keep it updated with all the real fair news about global-cooling.

Here's a start:

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Record low temperatures in the USA

There was that really cold day in Minnesota in the winter (I reported it before on this very blog), and that was like only a year or two ago. You can't explain that!

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Above average ice extent in parts of the Arctic

In a part of the Berring Straight, there was a bit more ice than average, for part of the Spring just a few months ago for a little while. Hmm!, I guess that's one part of the globe that didn't get the memo from Gore that the whole entire globe was supposed to be warming uniformly every last bit of it.

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Well there you have it. That's two stories so far on global cooling, and maybe we've heard approximately two stories repeated over and over (yawn!!!) this year about global warming (including the Texas droughts, Colorado wildfires, Iowa crop failures, record high temperatures over USA, flooding in some foreign-type countries in Asia or whatever, unprecedented Greenland ice melt, the so-called "death spiral" --- ooh! Scary!!! --- of Arctic ice melt even though there was more ice in that part around the Berring Straight)... So far it's about even but with the oncoming ice-age we're already in I expect there to be a lot more global-cooling stories coming in than stories about warming which is only caused by natural variation. So watch this space! I predict about 3 blog posts per day throughout the rest of summer.

There's a great little story over at WattsGoingOn?!, an historically accurate tale that really shows what a bunch of dopes all the scientists is.

Excerpt:

Tribe wizard:

“Don’t listen to that fool, dear tribe. These creatures only show themselves to the chosen ones like me. Anybody else cannot see them. And they are in anger as our tribe has displeased them and they are punishing us with casting the cold spell.”

Old sceptic tribe idiot:

“Nonsense, we had severe winters when I was young. It’s just natural variability”

You see, the Tribe wizard is like stupid scientists today, telling us that global warming is caused by magical monsters that only they can see, and demanding that we make a sacrifice of goodies to the scary gods of climatology. The Idiot is like brave, intelligent sceptics of global warming, standing up to the witchcraft of the modern wizards.

Science is indistinguishable from magic (an old Isaac Assimov quote). Therefore, scientists are actually trying to convince us that the global warming we see all around us is due to magic! Absolutely ridiculous! Why would anyone even bother listening to them?! Don't, by the way. Don't let yourself hear their evil enchanted message. You mustn't even give them a chance. If we let their devil-sorcery witchcraft get into people's ears, those people will be put under some kind of voodoo spell and turned into brainless zombies, bereft of their brave, rational, intelligent sceptical rejection of all science since 1905.

In the parable, the stupid wizard predicts (using magic and evil) that the summer will come and everything will become magically warm. The intelligent idiot, using god-given knowledge of natural variability, predicts that the summer will come and that things will become even colder (due to it being an ice age). Sure enough, the summer comes and it is warmer. So who is right?

The Idiot, of course! The fancy wizard is wrong, because even though it got warmer, it was wrong to use magic tricks to make that prediction. The handsome Idiot is right, because even though it didn't get colder as predicted, the Idiot realizes that making a prediction in the first place was impossible due to Natural Variability, and the incorrect prediction conclusively proves that! Once the heat got here, the brave idiot smartly realized they had known all along that the hot summer would happen, but they also correctly knew that it was not due to imaginary monsters or science. So maybe the wizard should be the one being called an idiot! You idiot scientist wizard! Stay away from me with your scary magical abilities to predict the future and to see monsters and invisible trace gasses which are actually really quite very beneficial to life.

Folks, don't be tricked by modern wizards. I see some people starting to believe in the sorcery just because all of the scientists' predictions are coming true. That's just a trick! Yes, the Earth is getting warmer exactly like the scientists predicted it, but you'd have to be an idiot to think that it happened due to some mumbo-jumbo sciencey necromancy that us ordinary folk don't even understand. And don't want to! It's hogswallow! Just remember that all this global warming is due to natural variability. It could not be predicted, which only goes to show that the scientists who predicted it are witches.

I would suggest burning them, but I bet someone would get his panties up in a knot over the carbon credits that doing so would put up into the atmosphere.

There's an old saying in Tennessee... I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee... that says, "Capitalism works just fine, but it's the best we've got at the moment."

These days, many entrepreneurs are showing their humanitarian side through Disaster Capitalism, which is basically where you take a big disaster and you turn it into a good thing, by helping people and turning a profit off them; everybody wins. Sometimes, if there are no disasters happening by themselves, but you still want to help people, you have to create the disasters yourself. I don't see anything wrong with that, as long as you're there to help when the opportunity arises, and have a good business model and strong corporate leadership. As long as you have a supply of customers (ie. victims of an unfortunate tragedy) and positive cash-flow, then everybody (ie. investors) is happy.

With all these naysayers these days talking about global warming like it's a big disaster, it makes me realize: Some go-getters can really make a profit off of this! If people really are going to end up in dire straits over all this, that's going to make them some pretty motivated customers! Yet the naysayers only look at the down-side of disasters.

I'll bet that the same people who are now whining about how global warming is going to kill them, are the same socialists who will be expecting someone else to help them out when 100% natural global warming comes to get them. If these mostly foreign-type pinkos were America-loving capitalists, they'd be shutting their mouths and getting jobs, earning money now so that they can afford to be helped when inevitable all-natural* disaster strikes.

Even though the Earth has been cooling from 1998 to 2004 and from 2006 to 2009 and from 2011 all the way right up to around the present (early 2012), we can all still do our part to make sure that The Capitalist System keeps running smoothly whatever disasters may come. Know your place! Are you one of the select few who is helping people by facilitating a disaster/recovery cycle? Or are you one of the many who is being helped and doing your part by transferring wealth to the rightful entrepreneurs who have put in the effort to turn a profit? Either way, don't be one of those hippies who sits back whining about what disasters others are causing, and then not even having the common decency to afford being helped through those disasters.


* Ideally also aided by especially forward-looking entrepreneurs.

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Remember kids, Heartland Institute spokesperson Ted Kaczynski says, "If you believe in global warming, you're a Unabomber!"

As we've already proven day after day, with every analysis of the mythical exothermic auto-reactive active heating properties of CO2, and with every snowflake that falls, global warming isn't happening.

And, as we've seen, when it is happening, it's really not that bad. Many people enjoy "t-shirt weather" and are productive enough members of society to afford air-conditioning. The arctic is coming out of its ice age, completely naturally, offering up a cornucopia of resources and begging to be exploited.

Imagine that you're a vampire, and you've got a cut across your forehead (much like, for example, the newly opened shipping routes on the forehead of the world). It's bleeding, which just means more food for you! That's good, right? But as you sink your pointy teeth into your own forehead, you make the cut wider. Now more blood spills out, and you feast on it with ever increasing voracity.

Eventually, you're nothing but a cut-up carcass, gushing blood all over the place. Do you see the problem with that? Greenies might find some way to turn this into a big problem that eventually needs to stop. But as a vampire, you're just in heaven, with unlimited natural resources just gushing out of your own head.

The world could be like that. Through economics and industry, we could create heaven on Earth.

Let's take a look at the economics of global warming.

Suppose we were to try to stop it. It would cost $75,000,00,0000,00, not including all the lost jobs. And, since global warming isn't happening, it would all be for nothing. Net loss: $75,00,0000,0000,0.

Now suppose that we don't try to stop it.
Cost: $0
Gain in jobs: 100% employment.
Gain in Arctic resources: $50,000,000,00000.
Gain in the stock market: $1000,00,00,00,0000 (at least).
Cost of apology to Australia for completely destroying it: $0

Yes folks, apologies are free, and that's what makes this option so preferable. Net gain: $3,3,0,000000000000 million!

The problem with the greenies is that they see everything in terms of trees or human lives. If they just stepped back and saw the big picture, in terms of real American dollars, they'd realize that when it comes to the important things, not doing a damn thing about global warming is so much better for the economy. And honestly, I'd be just fine with a few billion people dead and maybe the rest of us suffering, as long as the economy is doing okay. Because, without a strong economy, I might not have two jobs (let alone three, which I currently seem to need -- don't let anyone say I don't do my part for the economy!). And without jobs, what's the point of even having an Earth?

I should point out that all of the math here in this post is just simple spreadsheet math, that all the scientists should be able to handle if they have at least 1 brain in their head.

16 scientists have broken free from the Brainwashing Dogma Machine of Science, and have admitted what we regular folk have known all along: Ain't nothin to worry about no global warmins.

A key point that the science community has finally got around to figuring out is something that I've said all along: "The fact is that CO2 is not a pollutant. CO2 is a colorless and odorless gas, exhaled at high concentrations by each of us, and a key component of the biosphere's life cycle."

This reminds of another colorless odorless and yet very key component of the biosphere's life cycle: Water. We all remember how people were duped into thinking that water is the same as dihydrogen monoxide (a dangerous chemical). Now the CO2 hoax has finally been exposed and accepted by all scientists (as represented by the Council of 16).

As we know, global warming "scientists" have warned us about the dangers of water, trying to connect ocean levels to carbon, etc. But think about it, folks. What are you going to drink if you get thirsty and you've finished off the cola and the store isn't open? Water! The dirty little secret about water, which you will never hear from a scientist, is that water is actually a necessity of life! I don't know why they would fear-monger people into thinking that a little extra water is a danger.

Now that there's nothing to worry about with global warming, all the people that the scientists have been scaring can relax. Hey, some can even look forward in anticipation! I mean, who wouldn't want to live by the ocean? And why move, if the ocean will come to you. It's the dream of a lot of people to live on the open sea. Those who will have the sea come to them, and will be living under 10 feet of water without having to move anywhere, are the lucky ones. Here's an idea: If global warming's supposed to drown some areas in harmless, life-giving odorless water, and it's supposed to dry up other areas and evaporate lakes and swimming pools, then why don't the people with houses in low-lying areas just trade their houses for the boats that people have on these soon-to-be-dried-up-lakes? It just makes sense. One group's not going to be needing their boats much longer, and the other group's not going to have much use for their homes under all that water. Now that these people are no longer worrying about what's going to happen, they can get on with economic transactions and everybody wins!

I'm so glad that all of science has finally agreed to see the light. This is the best advice I've ever heard from the League of Science. Just don't worry! Especially if you live in an area that is most susceptible to climate change. If these are your last days on Earth, don't waste them worrying away! And don't worry about me, either. I'm not going to be wasting my time worrying about them. They say that ignorance is bliss, but so is just plain not worrying about things that we just don't know about and don't want to.

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Despite my assurances and now the reasoning of all 16 scientists, some people are still going to be complaining to me that CO2 and/or water are dangerous. To them I say, "No. Shut up."

Well if you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand. Instead, I would try to convince you that water is a harmless, colorless, odorless liquid that is actually a key component of the biosphere's life cycle. To think otherwise is ridiculous. It's all been a pack of lies.

Hopefully you would get the message and thank me once you got out of that water. Only an idiot would continue to drown after learning that water is actually good for you.

I've repeated multiple times on this science blog that we're currently in an ice age. I had no idea that it was actually true! I thought it was just one of the many facts handed to me by some buds of mine in the Industry (I'm not admitting that it's the oil industry, but I will say this: It sure as tar ain't the wind fermin' industry!). But this one's not just a good ol' opinion fact like all the others. This one's so true that it's on wikipedia!

Seems to me, if we could somehow invent a real machine that could keep the Earth nice and cozy (not like those imaginary invisible 2C0s that the scientists are telling us will warm up the Earth using magic), then that's what we should do. For the children.

Folks, I have a vision of the future, and it ain't pretty. Not once the democrats get done with it. The population will be dwindley due to roaming forced-choice abortion squads. People will be in a constant state of depression, as each day they'll check the stock market only to see that it's still down -- as it'll have been for the last few centuries ever since the democrats eventually outlaw the economy. No one will be able to afford high-quality processed foods or premium tv, and they'll all have to get by on simple, local produce and programming.

Now, I don't really care what happens in a few hundred years, cuz I probably won't be around. Sure I want what's best for my children, and even my children's children. But their children can all go to hell, because what have they ever done for me? Squat! So why should I be worried about making sure their whiny butts are just the right temperature... not too cold, not too warm. If anything, we should be messing with the environment, if only we could. Why? Because it'll give those bums a problem to solve. Something to motivate them. We all know that kids are just getting worse. They have no initiative! We gotta light a spark up their whiny butts or they're gonna end up with an entire world full of people on welfare, constantly bothering whoever's left with the decency and drive to still be rich, with their annoying and incessantly repetitive "Spare change so I can get a little something to eat, sir?"

Second, progress isn't about making things better. It's about being better than those who came before. Now, we're pretty good people. We're good at getting oil. We're good at building roads. We're good at shipping stuff from China. If we try too hard, we might unwittingly end up being perfect! Then what will the future generations do? After they're done checking the stock market and being sad about that, they'll remember how inferior they are and how they can't do nuthin useful, and they'll sit on their park benches with their sandwiches, looking glum.

Alas, there is nothing we can do, for nature is an untamed beast, and man is but a humble creature, and C2P0 is but an invisible gas that doesn't magically warm things up, and the environment is a chaotic system that no one will ever be able to predict anything of, and the future's a cold place due to the precisely predicted ice age that's approaching so fast that it's already here. If only it were possible to gift to the future a good problem that they can solve. But folks, it's just not scientifically possible.

So I guess the Peruvians are complaining of droughts caused by the melting of glaciers due to global warming. Funny, but I thought that if you melt ice, you get more water. You can't explain that!

Obviously, the Peruvians are just catastrophic chicken-little whiners. Just a few months ago, they were complaining about flooding! First it's too much water, now it's too little water. Make up your minds already.

Or better yet, stop whining about it altogether. Things seem pretty nice from my vantage point. If you're getting flooding AND droughts, then on average you must be doing pretty alright as far as water is concerned. Why not just save a little of the water in a pail when it's all flooding and use that when you get a bit thirsty, hey dummies? Think about it!

Maybe Peru's filled with Greenies who think it's "evil" to get their water from technology instead of from a glacier. I'm just glad that I live in a civilized country where I don't have to worry about a water supply. I just turn on the tap and it's there. No need to worry about carrying a bucket up to the glacier every day to get it.