File this bit of news under "Holy bats, batman, that's loony as a duck and also the evil scientists are liars and getting me pissed and also it's a conspiracy."

Apparently, according to the liberal news, the cause of the flooding in Australia is global warming. But wait. How can something that affects global climate in one place, have an effect all the way over on the bottom side of the world? The answer: It can't.

Scientists have provided explanations (made up, I'm sure, like the rest of science) for how global warming causes increased weather phenomena. But my rebut to that is, "Huh?"

The last time I was in a flood, the water was pretty cold. How can something that's hot cause something that's cold? It can't, and that's according to Einstien's third law of thermal dyanetics. Flooding in Australia? Water? Hello? Water's cold. This just proves that the Earth is actually cooling on a global scale.

The scientists need to switch their calculators off of "backwards" mode.



And another thing: If you put wet socks in a toaster, guess what? They get dry. Therefore, more heat should just make things drier. Global warming doesn't cause floods. Rain does.

Since the Earth is getting warmer, that means that the flooding isn't caused by weather. And since the flooding involves water (which anybody who's ever felt water before knows that it's cold), that means that the Earth is actually getting cooler. This proves that there actually isn't any flooding in Australia, but rather the data is being fudged so they can get more money from Congress.