16 scientists have broken free from the Brainwashing Dogma Machine of Science, and have admitted what we regular folk have known all along: Ain't nothin to worry about no global warmins.

A key point that the science community has finally got around to figuring out is something that I've said all along: "The fact is that CO2 is not a pollutant. CO2 is a colorless and odorless gas, exhaled at high concentrations by each of us, and a key component of the biosphere's life cycle."

This reminds of another colorless odorless and yet very key component of the biosphere's life cycle: Water. We all remember how people were duped into thinking that water is the same as dihydrogen monoxide (a dangerous chemical). Now the CO2 hoax has finally been exposed and accepted by all scientists (as represented by the Council of 16).

As we know, global warming "scientists" have warned us about the dangers of water, trying to connect ocean levels to carbon, etc. But think about it, folks. What are you going to drink if you get thirsty and you've finished off the cola and the store isn't open? Water! The dirty little secret about water, which you will never hear from a scientist, is that water is actually a necessity of life! I don't know why they would fear-monger people into thinking that a little extra water is a danger.

Now that there's nothing to worry about with global warming, all the people that the scientists have been scaring can relax. Hey, some can even look forward in anticipation! I mean, who wouldn't want to live by the ocean? And why move, if the ocean will come to you. It's the dream of a lot of people to live on the open sea. Those who will have the sea come to them, and will be living under 10 feet of water without having to move anywhere, are the lucky ones. Here's an idea: If global warming's supposed to drown some areas in harmless, life-giving odorless water, and it's supposed to dry up other areas and evaporate lakes and swimming pools, then why don't the people with houses in low-lying areas just trade their houses for the boats that people have on these soon-to-be-dried-up-lakes? It just makes sense. One group's not going to be needing their boats much longer, and the other group's not going to have much use for their homes under all that water. Now that these people are no longer worrying about what's going to happen, they can get on with economic transactions and everybody wins!

I'm so glad that all of science has finally agreed to see the light. This is the best advice I've ever heard from the League of Science. Just don't worry! Especially if you live in an area that is most susceptible to climate change. If these are your last days on Earth, don't waste them worrying away! And don't worry about me, either. I'm not going to be wasting my time worrying about them. They say that ignorance is bliss, but so is just plain not worrying about things that we just don't know about and don't want to.

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Despite my assurances and now the reasoning of all 16 scientists, some people are still going to be complaining to me that CO2 and/or water are dangerous. To them I say, "No. Shut up."

Well if you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand. Instead, I would try to convince you that water is a harmless, colorless, odorless liquid that is actually a key component of the biosphere's life cycle. To think otherwise is ridiculous. It's all been a pack of lies.

Hopefully you would get the message and thank me once you got out of that water. Only an idiot would continue to drown after learning that water is actually good for you.

I've repeated multiple times on this science blog that we're currently in an ice age. I had no idea that it was actually true! I thought it was just one of the many facts handed to me by some buds of mine in the Industry (I'm not admitting that it's the oil industry, but I will say this: It sure as tar ain't the wind fermin' industry!). But this one's not just a good ol' opinion fact like all the others. This one's so true that it's on wikipedia!

Seems to me, if we could somehow invent a real machine that could keep the Earth nice and cozy (not like those imaginary invisible 2C0s that the scientists are telling us will warm up the Earth using magic), then that's what we should do. For the children.

Folks, I have a vision of the future, and it ain't pretty. Not once the democrats get done with it. The population will be dwindley due to roaming forced-choice abortion squads. People will be in a constant state of depression, as each day they'll check the stock market only to see that it's still down -- as it'll have been for the last few centuries ever since the democrats eventually outlaw the economy. No one will be able to afford high-quality processed foods or premium tv, and they'll all have to get by on simple, local produce and programming.

Now, I don't really care what happens in a few hundred years, cuz I probably won't be around. Sure I want what's best for my children, and even my children's children. But their children can all go to hell, because what have they ever done for me? Squat! So why should I be worried about making sure their whiny butts are just the right temperature... not too cold, not too warm. If anything, we should be messing with the environment, if only we could. Why? Because it'll give those bums a problem to solve. Something to motivate them. We all know that kids are just getting worse. They have no initiative! We gotta light a spark up their whiny butts or they're gonna end up with an entire world full of people on welfare, constantly bothering whoever's left with the decency and drive to still be rich, with their annoying and incessantly repetitive "Spare change so I can get a little something to eat, sir?"

Second, progress isn't about making things better. It's about being better than those who came before. Now, we're pretty good people. We're good at getting oil. We're good at building roads. We're good at shipping stuff from China. If we try too hard, we might unwittingly end up being perfect! Then what will the future generations do? After they're done checking the stock market and being sad about that, they'll remember how inferior they are and how they can't do nuthin useful, and they'll sit on their park benches with their sandwiches, looking glum.

Alas, there is nothing we can do, for nature is an untamed beast, and man is but a humble creature, and C2P0 is but an invisible gas that doesn't magically warm things up, and the environment is a chaotic system that no one will ever be able to predict anything of, and the future's a cold place due to the precisely predicted ice age that's approaching so fast that it's already here. If only it were possible to gift to the future a good problem that they can solve. But folks, it's just not scientifically possible.

So I guess the Peruvians are complaining of droughts caused by the melting of glaciers due to global warming. Funny, but I thought that if you melt ice, you get more water. You can't explain that!

Obviously, the Peruvians are just catastrophic chicken-little whiners. Just a few months ago, they were complaining about flooding! First it's too much water, now it's too little water. Make up your minds already.

Or better yet, stop whining about it altogether. Things seem pretty nice from my vantage point. If you're getting flooding AND droughts, then on average you must be doing pretty alright as far as water is concerned. Why not just save a little of the water in a pail when it's all flooding and use that when you get a bit thirsty, hey dummies? Think about it!

Maybe Peru's filled with Greenies who think it's "evil" to get their water from technology instead of from a glacier. I'm just glad that I live in a civilized country where I don't have to worry about a water supply. I just turn on the tap and it's there. No need to worry about carrying a bucket up to the glacier every day to get it.