There's a lot of jibber-jabber in the media about fires in Australia.

Folks, this is a hoax. Check your calendars. It's January. This is the middle of winter. Australia is probably buried under 20 feet of snow right now. If there are fires being started, it's probably just desperately cold Australians suffering from this Global Ice Age that just keeps getting colder over the past 16 years. They're just trying to burn a little carbon to try to stay warm, even though no one in the country can afford a lump of life-saving coal after the devastating taxes I heard they were discussing.

It's been proven, using sophisticated chart-drawing spreadsheet software run on very powerful home computers, that the Earth has been dangerously cooling over the past 16 years. Just google any loyal skeptic's "science blog". You'll find many charts with lines that are clearly pointed in the down direction for the next few future years. This is not some magical "climate model" spewing out random numbers. These are actual charts with actual lines drawn on them. Hard evidence. It's settled, the diagrams show it, the Earth is actually cooling.

Please, folks, please remember the charts when all the other so-called "evidence" is thrown about by warmunists. Sure there will be hot weather days, and hot weeks, and hot decades, and weird devastating storms and continents turned to deserts... that's weather, folks! Do not be tricked by the false evidence of increased temperatures; that's all meaningless. Stay loyal and look to the charts! No matter how hot it gets, trust your eyes and not your skin, because irregardless of your false feelings of extreme heat the charts prove that it's just getting colder.

Note: Don't trust any charts from anyone who says the evidence is for warming. That's called "drawing a conclusion" and is a clear sign of bias toward the AGW agenda. Only trust the charts that point down, because they're drawn by people who know what they're looking for and go out of their way to put hard work into finding it. Those idiot scientists just print whatever some computer spits out, whether it's what we want to hear or not! Since when are the computers in charge of weather-related decisions?! Okay so maybe I can't beat a Commodore 64 at chess or tic-tac-toe, but at least I know in my heart whether or not it's getting warmer or colder. The heartless machines just rely on sensor measurements and cold calculation. Can you really trust that?

I'll say a little prayer for the Australians tonight, and give a shout out to my man God who is the only dude who can control the weather on a continental scale, and hope for a little something miraculous and hydrocarbonous that the poor overtaxed Australians can burn. Stay warm, "mates", and I'm truly sorry for the bitter winter cold that the democrats have blown your way.